Well, it’s too late now….

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brain-child/to-the-furious-mom-in-the-target-parking-lot_b_6078256.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Two and a half years in, and I sometimes still think I’m not cut out for this mommy stuff. While I can’t completely relate to the mother at Target, I certainly can relate to the author.

I am spent today. I’ve had to yell at my 2.5 year old twice – like more than a raised voice, actually not laughing through the anger kind of yelling. I felt helpless and worthless. Where is this coming from? How have I handled this before? What am I doing wrong? And worst of all…am I scarring her??

Mornings are rough. When R takes her to school, I make sure to have her ready to go when I know he has to leave. She drags her feet a little and whines and protests, but I can prod her along and distract her with fun conversation so that she forgets that she didn’t want to brush her teeth. But when it’s his turn, it’s like The Twilight Zone. Every single motion is a battle and she cries for me and he dawdles anyway and I wind up mad. And late to work every single time. This morning was worse than normal – she didn’t want ANYTHING to do with him. I mumbled something about “way to be a parent” and stomped away to finish getting ready, stubbornly telling myself that he would just have to deal with it. Cut to 10 minutes later, and he’s got her in time out (which we don’t really even use) and then he asks her if she’s ready to brush. Spoiler alert, she said no and I was again late. Oh, and to make matters worse, I was so angry that my anger spilled over to R and I huffed out of the house with barely a goodbye….I hate that.

But…tonight was way worse. Q and I had a talk on our way home from school about what it means to be a good girl, why it’s important to have a routine and do things like brush our teeth – no one likes the stinky kid! Everything was going swimmingly; we even discussed that it was bath night and how we wanted to be in our best condition for school pictures tomorrow. Dinner? No problem! Going upstairs? Made a game of it! A little nakey running? Hey, why not?! But then it was time to get in the shower. My little fishy that cried when it was time to GET OUT of the pool at swim class was hysterical and kicking and screeching and clawing. I literally sat down on the bathroom floor and cried.

I’ll spare you the details of how we got her clean, and then SHE ASKED to brush her teeth…

As I’ve said before, I thought I didn’t want kids (see She Is…) but Q is my everything. So how can I feel like a complete failure when it comes to her? And why do I feel like sometimes I just can’t do it? I feel like a terrible person and an even worse parent.

Some may say it comes with the job; some may say that I don’t have enough patience. I guess what I’ll do is take a deep breath, pour a glass of wine, turn on the monitor and watch her sleep. Then, I will go to bed. And when I wake up in the morning, I’ll start from scratch and hope for the best.

Advertisements

I forgot my watch….

Two years ago, we took Q to the pumpkin patch way too late in the season, and I decided that the next time, we would go in the first week of October.  We never made it last year.  It’s now close to the end of October.

I took her apple picking last year in early October and she loved it.  I could only imagine that she would love it more a whole year later.  It’s now close to the end of October.

Since March, I’ve been saying I’m going to take her to the farmer’s market.  It’s now the close to the end of October.

Where does the freaking time go???

It’s hard to work full time and be a mom.  How do people have more than one child??  I get home on Friday and I’m spent.  But between picking up Q, or picking up some integral item that is needed for dinner that I somehow forgot, the weekends are my only chance to DO anything.

Add in pressure from work regarding my professional development (meaning taking a test in 3 WEEKS for the Series 7), weekly dance class on Saturday morning, meal planning and play dates and dinners and family, and now I understand why the elusive “they” say it…..there just aren’t enough hours in the day…

hours in day

I am going to make it my mission to find the impalpable balance that is supposed to be the end-all-be-all of life’s happiness!  Either that, or I’m just going to be really damn tired for the next 20 or so years!!

Kristina's Krazy Adventure

A journey to health and conception and all the moments in between

Tales Of V

A blog that just wants you to think

Are You Finished Yet?

Trying to find some balance among the crazy!!

ZEIA

style and beauty

%d bloggers like this: