She is…

I thought I didn’t want kids.  I thought that for a very long time.  I felt very awkward and uncomfortable around small children, and especially babies.  And, as I got older, I found that I felt “too selfish” to have children.

I like being the center of attention.  I don’t like to share.

And then I met Ry, and we had “the talk” and he definitely wanted kids.  Uh oh.  And then I think I convinced myself that it may be kind of cool to create something that was part him and part me – I think I heard that in a movie once.

But secretly, deep down, I was still unsure.  Would I feel empty or alone if I didn’t have them?  Would people judge me for not having them?  Would I feel unimportant or secondary if I did have them?

I struggled with this for a really long time.  And then life got all weird and I was getting older and we just never got around to talking about it.  So somewhere along the way, we weren’t trying, but we weren’t not trying – you know?  And during this period of time, it was a constant volley of yes and no.

Two months after moving into our house, BOOM, there she blows!  Cue all the worry of above in addition to:  Could I do it?  Would I be a good mom?  How was I going to handle labor?  What about my anxiety? And so on and on and on and on….

Blah, blah, blah.  I remember life before Quinn.  It was fun and new and exciting.  Every day could be something new.  Fast forward to now, two and a half years later.  Life is MORE fun and new and exciting.  Every day IS something new.  Now that she’s here, I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

She’s my one and only, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Having her gave me the best of both worlds and answered all those questions of doubt and wonder.  Sometimes, you don’t know the right choice until after you’ve already made it. ♥

Q SB

 

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