In case you were wondering…

I’m revamping!!  I’m starting anew!!  Come check out my journey to 40 at What Can You Do In 150 Days?

It’s going to be a wild ride!!

New month, new age, new me?

It’s June 1.

It deserves its own space – this time of year always does a number on me.

It means that we are already half-way through the year – and that time is flying by.  It means that summer is about to begin, and I may, or may not, be ready for showing some skin.  It means my birthday is very close, which is usually a fun time – not so much this year.

I cannot, absolutely cannot, believe how fast time is moving!!  Q is 3 – going on 21, of course – and I can’t even keep track of the things that she says because there are so many!!  She is no longer a toddler, but instead is her own little person…I.AM.NOT.READY.

Summer.  My least favorite season.  Don’t get me wrong – I love BBQ and sunshine and swimming and dining al fresco – it’s a perfectly lovely time of year.  It’s just that I hate to be hot.  Hate it.  Loathe it.  I look at it this way:  unless you are in the privacy of your home, there are only so many pieces of clothing that you can take off to cool down at a given time.  There is not, however, a limit to what you can put on your body to get warm!  Simple.

And then there’s my birthday….normally a somewhat fun occasion instead is, this year, an albatross.  Age does not normally bother me.  I don’t care if someone asks me how old I am because I don’t look my age.  But a friend of mine said something to me recently that has resonated in my brain on a daily basis:

“Right now you’re in your ’20s and 30s’ but, when you turn 40, you are in your ’40s and 50s’.”

It was like a slap to the face.  Don’t jump down my throat – I know it’s just a saying and age is just a number and it’s how you feel not how old you are and blah blah blah.  And I’m not even going to be 40!!!!  This is happening at 39!!!

I have one year and 11 days to learn to defy this way of thinking.  Wish me luck.

And….this is why I don’t write down my resolutions!!

I have the best of intentions, honestly, I do.  I really enjoy blogging; I’m not showing that to you, am I?  Well, I’m feeling a little up close and personal with a pretty big milestone, and it’s entirely possible that the only way I’ll get through it is to write it out.

I can only imagine the insanity that will be the rankings and ravings of my head.

What say you? Shall we give it a fresh go round? Challenge accepted!!!

Stay tuned….

Were you looking for a wrap?

Whew…it’s been a whirlwind end to the year! From Q’s Saturday morning dance classes, to Daylight Savings Time, to Thanksgiving, to keeping my goals in check, to Jamberry, to Christmas…..I’m tired!!

I actually do love that almost every Saturday morning I am up, dressed and out of the house by 9 in order to get Q to dance on time. It’s a good push to get those tedious chores done – grocery shopping, Target (who am I kidding – everyone LOVES Target!!), Michael’s, where ever…And Q and I usually have a date after class at the “coffee store,” which is always a good time!

Next on our topic list – DST was a cruel bitch this time. Q seemed unphased by the extra hour…for about 2 days. Her bedtime has inched its way towards the 10 o’clock hour instead of the usual 9. But, hey, if she’s still getting her 12-14 hours for the day (including naps, of course), then I guess I can’t complain.  But I can complain that one little stray from the norm – staying up a little late on Christmas Eve – has created a mini-creature who only comes out at bedtime….go the eff to sleep kid!!!!

Finally got a chance to get together with the girls – never disappoints!!! We took audience to a woeful woman in the parking lot…her tale was entertaining, unbelievable, and hilarious.  Then, we managed to squeeze in an impromptu New Year’s Eve Eve night out as well…the universe is smiling on me by putting them in my life!!

Let’s revisit those goals I laid out for myself….but please excuse me as I gloss over the Series 7. I’m shooting for before the end of Q1. Not proud, but at least it’s still on the radar.  And 2015 will be the time to not let things fall by the wayside (hopefully).

Still loving PiYo, although slacking a bit in my committment. November consisted of 2 3-day weeks, 1 5-day week, and then, sadly, it dropped off to a few 1-time-per-week weeks…I blame Thanksgiving. That is always the start of “excuse season” which consists of Thanksgiving, R’s BDay, work holiday party, Christmas and New Year’s.  And, of course, in the nature of all serial dieters and searchers of health, Monday is a new day and I shall start anew! Stay tuned…

Speaking of Thanksgiving, which coincidentally was also R’s birthday this year, it was a lovely day spent with family and food – 2 of my most favorite things. We had a lovely first snowfall the night before, and the day was brisk and bright and fun. I also made a killer cinnamon roll cake (courtesy of The Girl Who Ate Everything) to go with generous helpings of turkey, sweet potatoes, stuffing, jello mold, and my father-in-law’s succulent stuffed artichokes! R’s birthday cake (carrot, amazing, made by my mother-in-law) may, or may not, have made it’s way to our house! Ok, fine, it did.

Christmas was a blur of several get-togethers, more food than should ever be consumed, some quality family time, and one happy little girl!  That’s all I have to say about that.

I’ve successfully closed 6 Jamberry parties!!!  Not bad for my first 2 months, and even squeaked out a bonus!  Love it….I mean, LOVE!!!!!!!  I can’t stop buying more, so it’s a good thing that R told me that he figured I became a consultant to pay for my addiction!  Just got my first recruit, so it makes it a little more real….and a little more scary!  More to come….

And, lastly, New Year’s Eve was a quiet night at home with just our family of 3.  Q got to bed just a little late, the adults made it past midnight, and I made some yumminess that yielded enough leftovers to get us through until Monday, when the real world begins again.

I knew that taking the day after New Year’s Day off from work would be good….start the year right with a nice, relaxing, long weekend.  And, in true “me” fashion, I have big plans and high hopes for what this weekend will bring in regard to the coming year.  You’ll want to stay tuned because, if anything, it will at least be entertaining!!!

Here’s to a Happy, Healthy, Prosperous and Crazy New Year to all!!!!

Well, now that you mention it….

Life’s like a movie, write your own ending.  Keep believing, keep pretending – Jim Henson

Do you ever feel like you’re watching a movie of your own life? Not a movie in the sense that my “star syndrome” is getting the better of me and I feel all glamorous or famous or kindred to some character.

This post could easily go one of two ways.

First, it could be that life is so much like a movie that you haven’t seen before. There are highs and lows, hijinks and drama, happiness and sadness….but you just don’t know how it’s all going to turn out. It’s just the best you can do to go through the motions every day, whatever is thrown at you, and hope for the outcome to be worth it – to find that elusive happy ending. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not in any way saying that I live a miserable existence. I’m just saying that I selfishly have a longing for all the hardships to lead to something truly spectacular in the end.  And while my daily life is more than fulfilling, sometimes I just am tired of worrying all the time – it’s like I can’t enjoy what I have because I have no idea what is to come!

Like this…Although I knew my mom was very sick with pancreatic cancer as I planned my wedding, I willed myself to believe that she would make it to my big day…she could NEVER miss that, right?? Well readers, I’m not a person to dwell on what could have been and I don’t really think people should have regrets, because they cannot be changed, only learned from. I contradict myself in one case. I regret not taking a spontaneous trip to Florida in early April 2007, when my mother asked me to, so that we could do a quickie ceremony before the big day. Now that I look back at it, it’s GLARINGLY obvious…she knew then that she wouldn’t make it to September. I acted more childishly than I should have and point blank asked her if she thought she wouldn’t make it…she said yes, and I believed her. It was maybe 2 weeks later that I got a call. It was a Tuesday. I flew home on Wednesday. She wasn’t conscious when I got to her, but I sat with her and talked to her. And said goodbye. She was gone maybe 3 hours later. And 5 months after that, I got married. The most devastating event of my life (until that time) followed by the happiest and most magical day of my life (until that time).

Or something like this…Finding out I was pregnant was – well, that is a story for another time. But I had an amazing pregnancy and a birthing experience that exceeded any expectation I could have imagined. And six weeks after the birth of my literal bundle of joy, I found out that I had cancer. Things happened very quickly after that, and we had to make some pretty hefty decisions – decisions that would affect the rest of our lives as a family. And we decided that our family of 3 was the way it should be. And I was more than okay with that. But losing the ability to choose was devastating. I’m still feeling the repercussions two and a half years later. I had just participated in creating a human being – CREATING A HUMAN BEING (it still blows my mind) – and there would never be a chance to do that again. Pregnancy and birthing, for me, was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

The other way that we could compare life to a movie could be that, sometimes, I don’t feel like my life is happening to me. Does that make sense? That I am actually an outsider watching what is happening to me and sometimes I want to be that me, and sometimes I can’t believe that me keeps going. The universe does what it will, with a little help from the choices we make. Sometimes, it’s the not knowing if those are the right choices that make it exciting, and other times terrifying.

Take a chance on me….

Thank you ABBA, I think I will.

blog

I don’t know what it is that has gotten into me – but I am deep in the feeling for change.

I’m supposed to be studying for this licensing exam (motivation = money), I’ve successfully added PiYo into my daily routine (motivation = tight pants), and now I’ve officially signed up to be a Jamberry Consultant (motivation = the exorbitant amount of money I’ve already spent on wraps with the incentive to get more more more for free!).

I like all of these changes that I’m seeing, but I’m also scared out of my mind. Is it too much too soon? Should I be taking baby steps?
As an aside, a certain prior post about “Baby Steps” did not quite work out the way I wanted!! My hopes are much higher this time around.

Let’s delve a little deeper….

The Series 7 license, better known as the thorn in my side. I have been studying on and off for this exam since February of 2006. Seriously. I’ve taken it twice already – the first time missing passing by a mere 4 questions and the second by 6 or 7. The thing is, I know a good deal of the information, but I literally SUCK at taking tests. I do all the things you are not supposed to do: skip questions and mark them for later, answer questions and mark them for review later, and, worst of all, second guess myself.

I’m a little more optimistic with the PiYo – successfully done every day this week so far! I love that I feel like I’m getting a workout without the high impact, which was killing me! I do feel, however, that if I want to embrace the whole “healthy” me that I will have to add some other type of movement into my daily routine. My head is saying a run in the early morning but my eyes are preventing me from doing this because, well, they like to stay closed…oops!

Let’s talk Jamberry…this is not a shameless plug like “hey, call me ::wink, wink:: and we’ll do a party or whatever..” This was purely on the basis that I became obscenely obsessed with this product in the shortest possible time and I needed to justify buying more before I’d even used all the ones I already had! I’ve scheduled my launch party, an in-home soiree I’m calling Sips & Tips, where I’ll be serving an array of decadent yummies and plying my friends and family with mimosas and Bloody Marys. I’m simultaneously doing an online-only party for my sister-in-law – let me tell you that it’s all up to the clientele…if the fish aren’t biting, then I’m not eating (not literally!), And lastly, I’m also working a remote in-home party for my friend in Florida – 2 weeks of online enticement to end with FaceTime on a Saturday afternoon.

Just reading all thismakes my heart beat just a tad quicker…but I’m thinking that maybe that’s what I need. No one wants to feel that life has gotten stale, do they?

A lovely pal of mine just posted something in our “mom’s” group that is really resonating with me, a statement by Elizabeth Edwards….

She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.

And onward she went….

Well, it’s too late now….

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brain-child/to-the-furious-mom-in-the-target-parking-lot_b_6078256.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Two and a half years in, and I sometimes still think I’m not cut out for this mommy stuff. While I can’t completely relate to the mother at Target, I certainly can relate to the author.

I am spent today. I’ve had to yell at my 2.5 year old twice – like more than a raised voice, actually not laughing through the anger kind of yelling. I felt helpless and worthless. Where is this coming from? How have I handled this before? What am I doing wrong? And worst of all…am I scarring her??

Mornings are rough. When R takes her to school, I make sure to have her ready to go when I know he has to leave. She drags her feet a little and whines and protests, but I can prod her along and distract her with fun conversation so that she forgets that she didn’t want to brush her teeth. But when it’s his turn, it’s like The Twilight Zone. Every single motion is a battle and she cries for me and he dawdles anyway and I wind up mad. And late to work every single time. This morning was worse than normal – she didn’t want ANYTHING to do with him. I mumbled something about “way to be a parent” and stomped away to finish getting ready, stubbornly telling myself that he would just have to deal with it. Cut to 10 minutes later, and he’s got her in time out (which we don’t really even use) and then he asks her if she’s ready to brush. Spoiler alert, she said no and I was again late. Oh, and to make matters worse, I was so angry that my anger spilled over to R and I huffed out of the house with barely a goodbye….I hate that.

But…tonight was way worse. Q and I had a talk on our way home from school about what it means to be a good girl, why it’s important to have a routine and do things like brush our teeth – no one likes the stinky kid! Everything was going swimmingly; we even discussed that it was bath night and how we wanted to be in our best condition for school pictures tomorrow. Dinner? No problem! Going upstairs? Made a game of it! A little nakey running? Hey, why not?! But then it was time to get in the shower. My little fishy that cried when it was time to GET OUT of the pool at swim class was hysterical and kicking and screeching and clawing. I literally sat down on the bathroom floor and cried.

I’ll spare you the details of how we got her clean, and then SHE ASKED to brush her teeth…

As I’ve said before, I thought I didn’t want kids (see She Is…) but Q is my everything. So how can I feel like a complete failure when it comes to her? And why do I feel like sometimes I just can’t do it? I feel like a terrible person and an even worse parent.

Some may say it comes with the job; some may say that I don’t have enough patience. I guess what I’ll do is take a deep breath, pour a glass of wine, turn on the monitor and watch her sleep. Then, I will go to bed. And when I wake up in the morning, I’ll start from scratch and hope for the best.

Previous Older Entries

Kristina's Krazy Adventure

A journey to health and conception

Tales Of V

A blog that just wants you to think

Are You Finished Yet?

Trying to find some balance among the crazy!!

ZEIA

style and beauty

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