Well, it’s too late now….

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brain-child/to-the-furious-mom-in-the-target-parking-lot_b_6078256.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Two and a half years in, and I sometimes still think I’m not cut out for this mommy stuff. While I can’t completely relate to the mother at Target, I certainly can relate to the author.

I am spent today. I’ve had to yell at my 2.5 year old twice – like more than a raised voice, actually not laughing through the anger kind of yelling. I felt helpless and worthless. Where is this coming from? How have I handled this before? What am I doing wrong? And worst of all…am I scarring her??

Mornings are rough. When R takes her to school, I make sure to have her ready to go when I know he has to leave. She drags her feet a little and whines and protests, but I can prod her along and distract her with fun conversation so that she forgets that she didn’t want to brush her teeth. But when it’s his turn, it’s like The Twilight Zone. Every single motion is a battle and she cries for me and he dawdles anyway and I wind up mad. And late to work every single time. This morning was worse than normal – she didn’t want ANYTHING to do with him. I mumbled something about “way to be a parent” and stomped away to finish getting ready, stubbornly telling myself that he would just have to deal with it. Cut to 10 minutes later, and he’s got her in time out (which we don’t really even use) and then he asks her if she’s ready to brush. Spoiler alert, she said no and I was again late. Oh, and to make matters worse, I was so angry that my anger spilled over to R and I huffed out of the house with barely a goodbye….I hate that.

But…tonight was way worse. Q and I had a talk on our way home from school about what it means to be a good girl, why it’s important to have a routine and do things like brush our teeth – no one likes the stinky kid! Everything was going swimmingly; we even discussed that it was bath night and how we wanted to be in our best condition for school pictures tomorrow. Dinner? No problem! Going upstairs? Made a game of it! A little nakey running? Hey, why not?! But then it was time to get in the shower. My little fishy that cried when it was time to GET OUT of the pool at swim class was hysterical and kicking and screeching and clawing. I literally sat down on the bathroom floor and cried.

I’ll spare you the details of how we got her clean, and then SHE ASKED to brush her teeth…

As I’ve said before, I thought I didn’t want kids (see She Is…) but Q is my everything. So how can I feel like a complete failure when it comes to her? And why do I feel like sometimes I just can’t do it? I feel like a terrible person and an even worse parent.

Some may say it comes with the job; some may say that I don’t have enough patience. I guess what I’ll do is take a deep breath, pour a glass of wine, turn on the monitor and watch her sleep. Then, I will go to bed. And when I wake up in the morning, I’ll start from scratch and hope for the best.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lanah
    Nov 04, 2014 @ 22:40:38

    Kids can be really great at pushing the parents buttons, and it is certainly easier when you’re tired, busy, frustrated already. The best advice I ever got during those type situations is a little backwards, but it worked for me. Take a Mommy time out. Give yourself 5-10 minutes alone. Cry, write, close your eyes, meditate, do yoga, whatever you want to do and will also help you take a moment for yourself (Make sure your child will be safe of course). Don’t take a time out with Dad, it’s just for you! When you come back from your time out, start fresh with a positive attitude. Don’t get me wrong there were some days that it seemed like I was in time out a lot. My point to all this rambling is, take time for you, and don’t be too hard on yourself! πŸ™‚

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  2. keevo143
    Nov 05, 2014 @ 07:19:27

    I think this is the story of every mother in world. Your kids dont want to listen to you and you just cant have itthat way.. I dont have a kid yet but my co-sister has one and she pulls her hair almost everyday.. Guess Life gets better eventually πŸ™‚

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  3. Sara @ lifebetweenthemiles
    Nov 05, 2014 @ 07:43:55

    I feel for you my friend. Ash has been terrible BUT only to me. He told me last night when I picked him up from daycare after a hellish day at work that he didn’t want me to pick him up anymore because he didn’t like me. He literally said, “I don’t like you Mommy, I want Daddy to pick me up.” Then a few minutes later said “I don’t love you Mommy.” Thank goodness it was dark when I picked him up because the tears were streaming down my face. Sometimes being a parent just sucks. Hugs!

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  4. Christen
    Nov 12, 2014 @ 23:23:17

    Toddlers are so trying. My H and I constantly remind ourselves “this won’t last forever”. Luckily, for every crazy thing Dax does, he then does something adorable to make up for it. Smart kid.

    Liked by 1 person

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